I'm sorry I haven't posted for quite some time! I've been busy with my English 101 class, and trying to deal with Jiffy Lube. I just turned 21, and went to Pulse. Tiffany was performing on my birthday, so I was excited about that. It just figures that I go to a gay nightclub, and the only one hitting on me was a straight man... Le sigh... Oh well. I still had a great time. The boys dancing in their tighty-whities were pretty cute! And I now have several ideas for a story, which will hopefully be turned into a manga collection! If I could find an artist in the Albuquerque area that was willing to team up with me, I think it would be awesome. If either of you two that are reading happen to know any comic artists, please let me know~! I would be forever grateful~! Free hats for life~! Well, maybe not for life, but at least one free knit hat~!

Hmmm... What else has been going on...? I finally finished the automotive program, and am now moving onto dental assisting. Weird transition, I know. But, I'll cover why in a private post for those interested. Let's just say that they (JL) can't know. I'll be making more, since it's guaranteed money, instead of flat rating. But it will be less physically demanding on my body. Not that I can't do the work, it's just that some of the time, I have to get the guys involved to lift the heavy shit, and I hate that. Based on a few things where I need some assistance, they start acting like I can't do any of the work on my own.

Well... I just can't seem to thing of anything else at the moment... I'll post sometime really soon, promise~! Ja ne~!

Lyrics of the Day:
Gimme danger, little stranger
And I'll feel you bleed
Gimme danger, little stranger
And I'll heal your disease
There's nothing in my dreams
Just some ugly memories
Kiss me like the ocean breeze
Now if you will be my lover
I will shiver and sing
But if you can't be my master
I will do anything
There's nothing left alive
but a pair of dark glassy eyes
Raise my fears one more time
Come on little danger, die a little stranger
Swear you're gonna feel my hands
Right on little stranger, try a little danger
Swear you're gonna feel my hands
Swear you're gonna feel my hands
Swear you're gonna feel my hands
Can you feel it ~ Iggy Pop - Gimme Danger

I hate Arthur, and this time around, I can truly say I mean it. I hate how Richard only has four employees for the morning, especially since we have this buy one get one oil change free promo going on. Arthur just kept yelling at me to go faster, and I accidentally forgot to put a dipstick back. And then the ESM said six quarts for a truck, so I added six quarts. It was over about a quarter quart, he got pissed off that he had to drain it. He started demanding that I get sent home, because he didn't want to work with me. I wouldn't be surprised if I get fired about that dipstick... But that's fine. Jiffy Lube sucks. I'm tired of the other people I work with.

I've felt burned out on cars for the last few weeks. The one thing I've loved doing, and been going to school for so long to do... And now the thought of working on cars just sickens me. But what else am I good for? I couldn't begin to make enough to get by from my writing and knitting... And I really don't have any other skills to offer the world... It's been so long since I've felt this deeply despaired... It's almost like there's this nothingness inside... And when I feel this way, I want to hurt myself... I have, so far, only burned myself twice... But only because of Arthur...

I don't know why I let him get to me this badly... I hate this feeling of uselessness... I've always been so kind, and quiet, I've never been unkind to anyone... And all I get is mean, awful cruelness... I've never done anything to anyone, and the whole world seems to hate me... I don't have any friends... I've never even had a girlfriend... The closest I've had to a girlfriend was when my straight best friend (at the time... I haven't spoken to her in years... Won't answer my calls...) dateless and feeling pity for me, went with me to the prom... Everyone else had that special, magic night, and all I had was a gothic nightmare...

I guess it's true what people say... When you're crying, you start to think of things in the past just to make yourself cry even harder... It's like the floodgates open, and the memories just come flooding your mind...

The only good thing about these moments is that my creativity seems to flow... I haven't written poetry in awhile... I don't know if this is any good, but I'll let anyone that reads this critic it for me.

( Stand in the Rain )

Now, I don't usually put full lyrics up... But I heard this song on the radio the other day, and it just... I almost cried when I heard it... So, enjoy. Ja.

Lyrics of the Day:
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you'll understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off you'll understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know) I know (I know)
I know that you're wounded
You know (You know) you know (you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know) you know (you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know) I know (I know) I know
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all ~ Three Days Grace - Pain

Just a short post to let anyone reading my journal know that I am now going to start selling knit stuff. I'll have a new site up sometime for it. I think I'm going to mostly sell knits for the Bratz dolls, since they're small and knit fairly quickly. I just finished designing and knitting a shawl for my boyz, which came out really nicely. Pics at the end of the post~! If anyone wants a price list, just reply or email me about it, and I'll get one put together for you. I still need to find out about shipping rates, which will be a factor in how much I sell for. But I also knit shirts, hats and arm warmers for people, which I'll get pics of soon. So just get in contact with me, and I'll get you any info you need. I think that's it for right now. I'll try to post in a day or so~! Ja!

Now that I have everyone's atteniton, I am glad to announce that I am finished with the Engine Performance series of classes. The hardest part about it was all of the paper work, like writing a five page article review, then making a power point slide show. The hands on work on the cars was not that difficult, like I had been told by others.

Now that class is over, I will have a lot more time to devote to my writing~! Which is always a good thing! And the Garland universe has really begun to take off! Almost done with I Know the Reason for Her Sadness, finished several short side stories, started a remix of Techno Love which was a manga script that never became a manga, so is now in revision. If anyone reading is interested in teaming up to work on manga and doujin, I'm up for it!

On a different note, I've gotten a lot better at knitting. I'm finally understanding knitting in the round (it only took getting double point needles to keep the yarn from twisting... -.-*) and made some little hats for my Bratz Boyz, using Sugar n' Cream cotton yarn. I love all of the warm, yummy colors that Sugar n' Cream comes in, and the price is really great.

Well, I'm using my father's computer, right now, and he wants on. I leave you now with some pictures of my boys~! Okay, so it's only Koby and Tokyo-a-go-go Cameron, but it's all good.



Lyrics of the Day:
I would lock you up
But I could not bear to hear you
Screaming to be set free
I would chain you up
If I'd thought you'd swear
The only one that mattered was me, me, me
I would strap you up
But don't worry baby
You know I wouldn't hurt you 'less you wanted me to ~ Wham! - The Edge of Heaven

I hate Arthur... Okay, I don't know him well enough to hate him, but I really fucking hate working with him... I dread work tomorrow, just because I don't want to even be near him. I hate working there enough as it is, and lately, I just want to quite... I hate it... He acts so superior to just about everyone. On Wednesday, for closing, I was asked to clean a VERY specific area of the upper bay, just sweep it, take out the trash in that ONE area, bring the chairs in, and Arthur fucking goes off because I didn't take out all of the trash. I also helped Willie clean up the rest of upper bay, and not once did he ask me to take out the trashes, so I just assumed he had it covered. But Arthur is a fucking little bitch who has to have the fucking last word on every subject. No wonder he can't keep a girlfriend. And to think I used to almost got along with him...

And in other news, I might not finish EP I. My group didn't complete two fucking lab assignments, and I now have an incomplete. I can finish up the labs, and get a grade, but I'm not sure I want to... The guys in my group were always gone, and they never wanted anything done without all of the members present. But I'm so close to finished... I don't know... I have three days and a bottle of vodka to make my decision... I'll fill everyone in when I make the choice... I've gotta go for now.

Lyrics of the Day:
Why are you scared?
What have you seen?
In the castle with the silent roses
I ask again and again

Why are you sad?
What pain are you feeling?
Oh, I ask of the rose with its petals of blood
But the rose of blood can't answer me till the end

Scream without raising your voice ~ X-Japan - Rose of Pain

I'm tired of working at Jiffy Lube... I don't know... Yesterday, Gary made me do all of these services, which I've only performed once or twice, and expected me to get them done in a few minutes. He let me go at it, and then kept yelling at me to hurry because I wasn't setting the machines up quick enough... I kept burning my arms on fucking hot exhaust manifolds, I'm pretty sure I ingested transmission fluid, and got fucking sick from the fuel system cleaning. And they can't even explain to me how putting that shit in the vacuum line will clean out the clogged mesh screens on the injectors.

At least I finally finished that research paper. That was due on Thursday... But I explained to Scott what was going on and he understood. But it just pisses me off. Arthur and Willie get enough time to do any school work they have, but I don't. Last week I asked for a day off, because my group needed more time to do our lab work, and Gary insisted that I come in when I got the chance to do so. Sometimes I really hate Gary...

And I can't help but envy Tiffany... She's pretty, slim, always has dates... Its so hard not to feel like a fucking worthless nobody when everyone you work with or around would rather talk with her... Every time I'm talking with someone and she enters, they immediately start talking with her... Every fucking time. It makes me feel so rejected. But... I know that this is how the world works. The beautiful people will always have it better then the ugly ones... I just wish that I didn't hate myself even more after talking with her.

Well... I guess that about does it for the day... Ja Ne...

Lyrics of the Day:
Nein - das ist nicht
Das ende der Welt
Gestrandet an Leben und Kunst
Und das spiel geht weiter
Wie man weiss
Noch viele 'schoum'....wiedersehen

And now, as you turn to leave
You try to force a smile
As if to compensate
Then you break down and cry ~ Venus in Furs - Bitter Sweet

So I just finished my second week of Engine Performance. And I still haven't really started my research paper on knock sensors... But that's because Gary schedules me for every fucking day, leaving me Sunday to try to finish all of my homework. It's really pissing me off. Not only that, but I mentioned that two days during the first week, I got out at about 11:00. What does Gary do? Starts scheduling me for fucking 12:00. And I had already mentioned several times that I cut out of class an hour early just to get there by 2:00.

Yesterday was good. I learned how to do power balance tests, wet compression tests, and how to properly use the Master Tech OBD II scan tool. The power balance test is where you short out the cylinders one at a time to see if all are contributing equal power. If anyone wants more detailed info, just reply and I post all of the steps to do this test. It's really quite simple when you learn how to do it.

I've started a new story for the Jiffy Lube Bad Porn Series, and a new Star Wars novel, called Return to Dawn. I'll post a chapter from Return to Dawn and the JLBPS story next time I get a chance to post. But, for now, I have to go. Ja Ne!


Lyrics of the Day:
It's safe in the city to love in a doorway
To wrangle some screams from the dawn
And isn't it me, putting pain in a stranger?
Like a portrait in flesh, who trails on a leash
Will you see that I'm scared and I'm lonely?
So I'll break up my room, and yawn and I
Run to the center of things
Where the knowing one says:

"Boys, Boys, its a sweet thing
Boys, Boys, its a sweet thing, sweet thing
If you want it, Boys, get it here, thing
'Cause hope, Boys, is a cheap thing, cheap thing" ~ David Bowie - Sweet Thing

Christmas has come and gone, and the new year will start in a few short hours... The years seemed to just slip away. I start my final three classes of Automotive Technology in just one week. I've already gotten a jump start on it, by reading the first three chapters of the text book and doing all of the assignments associated with them. I'm going to try to get as many as I can done, so I can devote more of my time to class assignments.

In other news, Jiffy Lube closed early on Friday, and was completely closed yesterday. I am trapped in my home. We received a foot plus of snow in Rio Rancho. Good for New Mexico, but bad for me. I can't even get out to go buy cigarettes, because the city doesn't hire crews to take care of residential roads. Fuckers... Hopefully by Tuesday, the snow will be melted enough for me to get to work.

I won an auction for an original Aladdin Sane LP, supposedly in excellent condition, for only three dollars! If there were only three David Bowie albums I could own, it would easily be The Man Who Sold the World, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, and Aladdin Sane. I will hopefully be buying a turntable in the next week or so. My father has a linen closet full of albums, and I've got three, now, so it is worth it to buy one. I'm closely watching several other Bowie albums which are cheap. My dad loved Bowie music back in the day, but doesn't have even one. Leaves all of the work to me, to find my beloved music.

I need to be going, for now. If nothing else, I'll be posting in fifteen weeks, though I'll try to post a little more then that. Ja Ne~!

Lyrics of the Day:
Got tired of wasting gas living above the planet
Mister, show me the way to earth
The boys of Quadrant 44 with their vicious metal hounds
Never come around here no more
Sometimes I wonder if I'm still alive
Six feet down at age 25
Maxwell Leather Demon rock hand jive

I came down like water
For the age of solar
Hail to the father
Kiss your sons and daughters
Goodbye goodbye
Steam steady roller
Lady tongue controller
Ten feet tall, better walk it back down ~ Shudder to Think - The Ballad of Maxwell Demon

It's been a few weeks since last I posted. Just finished my electronics class, last Thursday, which I'm sure I passed. Almost finished with the automotive program~! I'm starting to try my hand at fandom knitting. Trying some simple wash clothes with the Rebel Alliance insignia to start with. When I get good with those, I plan to move onto some beanies with little Final Fantasy sprite guys on them. Maybe I'll do something with the Zanarkand Abes insignia sometime... That might be neat to try... I love Final Fantasy a bit to much, I suppose... Oh well.

Things are going alright at work. Tomorrow, I'm going shopping to get Tiffany a gift. We're doing Secret Santa, and I got her name. Though the guys went and ruined it... As soon as they picked the names, they called out who they got... But that's alright. I'm just glad that I'm shopping for the only other woman. I wouldn't have any idea what to get for any of the guys.

I only need to see my shrink two more times. And the sessions are only a few minutes long, so he can check for new cuts. I'll be glad when it's over.

I really don't have much left to say, for now... I'll be posting the first chapter of Sadness - I Know the Reason for Her Sadness in a few moments. Just ask to be friended, and I will~! Enjoy and ja ne~!

Lyrics of the Day:
You always were the one that knew
They sold us for the likes of you
I always wanted new surroundings
A room to rent while the lizards lay crying in the heat
Trying to remember who to meet

I would take a foxy kind of stand
While tens of thousands found me in demand

When you rock 'n' roll with me
No one else I'd rather be
Nobody here can do it for me
I'm in tears again
When you rock 'n' roll with me ~ David Bowie - Rock 'N Roll With Me

Work was tough, today... Car after car... At least I got to do upper bay. Gary said I was going to slow, but doing better at it. But I can't be expected to run three bays at once. And Mike told me to focus on one car, get it out, then move onto the next. Which I did. And I can only add the oil as fast as it flows. Which, with the cold weather, can mean as heavy as a straight fifteen weight for diesel. But it's all good, I suppose. At least I wasn't courtesy.

I'm going to Alon's tomorrow. We're going to maybe get some of my stories up on the site we've been working on. I haven't seen Alon in almost two months, now. I work way too much... The only day I have off is Sunday, and it's hard to get everything I need done in one day. He's going to help me with the German grammar in Mein Lieb, because I know it's not entirely correct. And I've almost finished the first chapter of Love Suicide, which is Axle and Wagner's real story. I think Mein Lieb will be the prologue to the story. Because the story picks up about five years later. I'll post the first chapter as soon as I have it finished.

I've been thinking of selling the stories in PDF format for, like, five bucks or something. And Alon has the equipment to do audio books, so maybe we could do that, as well. I've also been working on a script for a short, art house kind of film, based on Bowie's "Please, Mr. Gravedigger". That should be fun to go out and film. A nice, fucking frigged morning at a cemetery, filming a nice little murder film. It would be fun, I'm sure. And then, to send it to Bowie, somehow... Show him that the younger generation is still inspired by his timeless classics.

Well, that be it, for today. Ja ne!

Lyrics of the Day:
Stone love - she kneels before the grave
A brave son - who gave his life to save the slogans
That hovers between the headstone and her eyes
For they penetrate her grieving ~ David Bowie - Soul Love